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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25827211">The Downfall of 007</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/afaapm/pseuds/afaapm'>afaapm</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>James Bond (Craig movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Christine made me do this, I hate myself, I'm really sorry y'all, M/M, Not for the faint of heart, Other, Sorry Not Sorry, my first fic tho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:42:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>608</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25827211</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/afaapm/pseuds/afaapm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There was one witness to James Bond's sexual activities with his scrambled eggs. And she's going to use that information the only way she knows how.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Bond/Danny Holt/Q/Alex Turner, James Bond/Q, james bond/scrambled eggs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>A Party In Sherwood</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Downfall of 007</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/christinefromsherwood/gifts">christinefromsherwood</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I am not proud of this but I appreciate christinefromsherwood too much to let this tale go... unfinished. You're welcome, folks. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTINE!!! :D</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Princess Pamela Pampuria Blofeld-Bond had seen many terrible things throughout her... many of nine lives at Spectre (a lady never discloses her age).</p><p>But watching her arch nemesis-slash-food provider at home fuck a plate of buttery scrambled eggs was the last straw. </p><p>It broke her. </p><p>And Bond, James Bond, didn't even know he wasn't alone. </p><p>And while she kept to herself for the first few days - awfully quiet, at times shaking, and other times sweating, worrying her Daddy Q - she knew that after 58 years, this could finally be the downfall of 007. She must use what she knows for the public good. She must rid the world of the elderly agent. </p><p>Her Uncle Blofeld will be so proud. </p><p>Pam doesn't tell any of her humans in the 00QAD household. She doesn't even tell her little brother Turing.</p><p>The only way this is going to be believable is if she tells the vet at her next visit. Confiding in a medical professional - of course! Especially now that she gets seen on her own due to COVID protocols. </p><p>After all, she'd lost 1.5 lbs dealing with the trauma of what she'd seen. The vet must believe her.</p><p>And the vet did.</p><p>It helped that the vet was very uncomfortable with Bond's incessant flirtation every time he dropped off Pam. One time, Bond told her that he makes a mean curry, and that he'd "love to give her a taste of home."</p><p>"I'm from Mexico," she said. </p><p>--</p><p>"Can you access the files from Medical at MI6?" the vet asks Pam. "It would help me get him reported and removed from your home."</p><p>"My brother owes me a favor so give me a few days. He's allowed in Q-Branch," Pam responds.</p><p>"We have to act quickly. Those poor eggs were completely helpless, so who knows what he could violate next."</p><p>"Thanks for not trimming my claws so I can keep myself safe at home."</p><p>"You're welcome, Pammy."</p><p>--</p><p>By the end of the week, a reporter from The Sun shows up at the 00QAD household to ask about rumors of illegal sexual activities involving the trafficking of unborn chickens. </p><p>Bond happens to be gardening - shirtless - and the reporter snaps a photo. </p><p>The next morning Turing hurriedly drags the paper straight to Q. He doesn't make a sound. </p><p>Danny and Alex - for the first time in years - discuss possibly moving out. </p><p>Pam rubs her paws together. The structure is crumbling.</p><p>--</p><p>On Sunday, MI5 are at the door.</p><p>M is with them. He's there to ensure this is a civilized arrest. No drama. </p><p>"Let's not make this more embarrassing than it already is." </p><p>Bond is taken away to a holding cell. He is forced to confess, on camera, that he fetishizes scrambled eggs, and that they've got more curves and softness than any of his partners at home, and that Q's extremities are always so cold but a breakfast plate is just so warm. </p><p>As it turns out, none of this is actually illegal. </p><p>Pam is horrified. How can a Molotov cocktail going through a window be illegal (she did not do this to their loud neighbor) but not the rape of potential baby chicks?</p><p>--</p><p>M has handled many a scandal involving Her Majesty's Secret Service. But never anything like this.</p><p>The hashtags #NotOurHero and #SackBondNow have more than two million social media posts behind them.</p><p>Some are calling for his pension to be withdrawn.</p><p>M has no choice.</p><p>And that is how we all witness the downfall of 007. </p><p>"If I'd known this would end so well, I would have at least tried to enjoy the show when it happened," Pam mumbles. </p><p>--</p>
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